Ryan Braun: Jew-cy Couture

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ryan Braun: Jew-cy Couture

. Thursday, April 2, 2009

Even for the most dedicated blogger, some days, there doesn't seem like anything to write about. Maybe you just resign yourself to grinding out a post you don't feel is your best. Other days, inspiration comes on a giant maroon wave topped with a screaming winged skull. Today is the latter, because WAIW has discovered Ryan Braun's Remetee clothing line. And good lord is it hideous. Marvel as two heterosexual men in their mid-20s play fashion critic:

1. Men's Scales S/S V-Neck Tee in Blue Tea Stain ($118)John: We begin with our highest-priced entry, presumably because Braun went nuts with the bedazzler, and you gotta pay for that kind of quality. Also, someone appears to have sneezed glitter onto the left pec area. Read the item description above - I'm not sure he gets what "v-neck" means.

Steve: This must be what its like when the lead singer of Maroon 5 attends Comic-Con. It really tells me that you can, in fact, kick ass in the gym and at Magic: The Gathering.

2. Lighting Skull Board shorts in Black ($78) John: I've often been surfing in Milwaukee, and it always feel like there's something missing. I couldn't put my finger on it until I saw these rad shorts. It was the lack of a lightning bolt pointing directly at my junk. I'm glad I solved that problem.

Steve: While John likes to think of the lightning bolt pointing at the junk, I prefer to see it as lightning exiting my junk. This must be what its like to have sex with Zeus.

3. Men's Gypsie vee Neck Tee in white ($78) John: We took the item descriptions directly from the Web site, which tells us that in expensive crappy shirt land, "V-neck" means regular neck, and "vee Neck" means v-neck. The RaNdom CapITaliZaTioN is Beginning TO freak mE oUt.

Steve: Ryan Braun is a man that sets many firsts. For example, here he is the first person to be inspired by Mel Gibson's Apocalypto.

4. Men's Guadalupe S/S Tee in Burgundy ($78) John: Ryan Braun proves that age-old maxim - go with what you know. I believe this particular religious icon is Our Lady of the Jersey Shore.

Steve: I'm confused. I thought Ryan Braun was Jewish?

5. Men's Muer2 Two V-Neck Tee in Black ($78) John: I'm glad that the site informs me that foil will applied to seemingly random areas of the shirt. I would never buy this, only because I'm not a fan of shirts that come out of my closet at night and try to kill me.

Steve: T-2 meets Michael (that's right the John Travolta movie). Shows you are one sensitive hard-ass.


jenzie1231 said...

groooossssss!!! The total epitome of what I hate in men's fashions.

Anonymous said...

well played, sirs.

KD said...

What IS this s**t????? Initially, I couldn't get past the creepy Ryan Braun pic at the top of the post. But once I did I was in for a scary, scary treat. Are Milwaukee-ans really wearing this crap?
Thanks for bringing this to the forefront, WAIW, I will most likely have nightmares tonight....