Bullpen Cuts: The Battle to be the Next Wuertz

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Bullpen Cuts: The Battle to be the Next Wuertz

. Thursday, April 2, 2009

We're coming ever-closer to the time when these games will finally count and the legions of Cubs fans will care enough to put our hearts into hurling some carefully-selected expletives at the television. What we aren't any closer to, on the other hand, is knowing who the hell is going to be filling out the bullpen. They cut Chad Fox, but if you ever envisioned that guy making the major league roster, then it's nice to have you on the site, Mrs. Fox. Your son is such a nice boy.

WAIW examines the candidates below:

Who knew that Motocross goatees negatively affect pitching ability?

Chad "Frenchy" Gaudin: Started out as the undisputed bullpen leader in camp, mostly due to rockin' facial hair. While the others listed are somewhat unknown commodities (at least to a point), Gaudin was supposed to be the one we had a handle on. A middle reliever/possible spot starter we could count on to post an ERA between 3.50 - 4.50. Instead, he has wilted (10.54 ERA!) under the pressure of playing games that don't count in beautful weather. Just like a Frenchy.

Angel "Ow, my career!" Guzman: He ceased being a "prospect" about the time Jonathan Taylor Thomas ceased being a "teen idol." This spring, he was finally handed a bullpen spot on a silver platter with Samardzija's failure and Marshall's ascendance. Instead, he crapped on that platter (12R in 11 1/3 IP) in a metaphorical scene that oddly enough reminds me of 1991 John Goodman vehicle "King Ralph." What's that, you say? A video clip? Sounds good to me.

David "Rule V" Patton: This is a guy I think we should keep, if only to allow him to fail at the major league level. We're eventually going to call Samardzija up anyway. He's gone from afterthought to the only one of these four bastards I'm curious to see pitch against big-league hitters. He's been striking batters out at a good rate, and has only given up a single earned run throughout his time in Mesa. I'm well aware of my maxim that spring training stats are meaningless, but his performance should be enough to warrant a big league look. People swoon over Samardzija's strikeout ability, but Patton has 15 to Elephant Man's 11. If Patton went to ND, there'd be a horde of North Shore ND albums clamoring for his roster placement. If he doesn't make the team, we either have to trade him or give him back to Colorado. With these guys for his competition, I say let him at least suit up for the first few weeks.

Upper Deck said "no thanks" to the Jeff Samardzija rookie card promotion

Jeff "Eric Stoltz in Mask" Samardzija: He's the only one we can option to the minors, which fairly guarantees that it's indeed what will happen. Hopefully he can fix what's wrong with him in AAA, because I have a feeling he'll come up sooner rather than later.