Cubs Propoganda, Brought to You by the Wrigleyville Ministry of Truth

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cubs Propoganda, Brought to You by the Wrigleyville Ministry of Truth

. Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Okay, so maybe "later this afternoon" translated to "lunchtime tomorrow," but here are five reasons I'm hopeful for 2009. And strangely enough, none of them are "We Play the Pirates and Reds 30 Damn Times."

1. Sean Marshall

It looks like finally, at long last, Lefty (see what happens when I don't get enough nickname suggestions?) is going to get his chance in the rotation. I'm eager to see what he can do, even though I'm not convinced that a sub-2 spring ERA equates to anything more than a bunch of impressed Arizonans. The man does deserve his shot - he was solid (3.46 defense-adjusted ERA) as a long reliever last year. Now he finally gets to come in from the corn - the man's been to Iowa and back more times than a University of Illinois freshman who can't let go of his high school sweetheart. If Ryan Dempster can go from object of WAIW hate as a closer to beloved 17-win starter, then there's hope for a guy for whom no good nickname comes naturally to mind.

2. Carlos Marmol (Filthy)

Although we would never foolishly claim to be the most cutting-edge Cubs blog, WAIW does have the distinction of worshipping Carlos Marmol (Filthy) from the very origin of this hallowed expletive forum. His control suffered at times last year, but he increased his innings pitched and strikeouts while decreasing his WHIP numbers. We all remember the slump he went through that caused myself and others to boo the bejeezus out of him after almost blowing Rich Harden's first spectacular outing. But that's what you do when relievers pitch like shit - it doesn't mean you don't love them or write creepy slash fiction about them. No matter where he ends up in late relief, WAIW is eagerly anticipating another year of his electric pitching.

3. Malibu Mike

Spring Training stats rarely mean crap, but in this particular case, they've taken Aaron Miles and his Nerf bat out of the starting lineup. That means that our boy Mike Fontenot is going to get the chance to see regular at-bats. If the pressure of replacing the most lusted-after Cub since Rod Beck doesn't get to him, then we may see solid play. It would be foolish to assume that he'll be able to keep up a near-.400 OBP over an entire season, but we're excited to see what last year's .305/.395/.514 blossoms into.

4. Geo Tracker

Last year's NL Rookie of the Year is apparently getting a bit chubby. No word on how that has impacted his Cubs Doability Index rating at Cub Blogging. Most of the stat services have him projected to improve on last year's impressive numbers, and hopefully he can acquire robot legs before opening day so we don't have to worry about Gabor Bako behind the plate. For any recent converts to the Church of Cubdom present, let me emphasize how crappy it would be to take such a talented catcher for granted. The Cubs, by and large, do not usually have good catchers. Now, we've got one on the way to becoming one of the NL's premier backstops. Just the thought of a Jason Kendall at-bat makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

5. Fonzie

Since he was signed in the Cubs edition of Supermarket Sweep prior to the '07 season, he's offered more than his fair share of migraines. The formerly-durable player injured himself hopping like Peter Pan, fell to some ridiculously bad luck, and has at times been more streaky than a Brewers fan's boxer-briefs. But holy shit can he take over a series when he's on. The very second you think you've had enough of his bullshit, he goes on a rip and starts single-handedly winning games for the Cubs. Don't get me started on his cannon of an arm. At a certain point, it starts to look like a video game. And that, dear readers, is why we signed him.


jenzie1231 said...

Yay for Fontey!!!!

Jen said...

Fear not! Fortunately for Mr. Soto, yours truly - being an established chubby chaser - still calculates his doability index at a dangerous high.

I'm really digging your ObamiCubs.