And We're the Sarcastic and Bitter Ones?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

And We're the Sarcastic and Bitter Ones?

. Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm struggling for things to write about today - but at least I didn't come up with this bullshit. But hey, everyone can have a bad day, right? And then spend their time running a bracket extrapolating on that day when you decided to be a thunderdouche. But let's look at Steve Rosendouche's last bunch of headlines, going backward. You'll hardly be able to tell I've made one up:


- Look at that: Actual professionalism from the Bulls
("The professionalism part stuck out for me because the unprofessionalism in the once-proud uniform has stuck out for the last couple years.")

- Cubs want more night games; fans want more night wins
("But what do you expect from a guy who brings in a priest to bless the dugout before last year’s postseason? And how did that work out for you?")


- Bears-Packers - nothing says prime-time like two non-playoff teams
("NBC wants the Chicago market and loves the rivalry, so the network figures it’s better to get that game at the beginning of the season when nobody knows how bad those teams will be.")

- Schilling never would've fit in with the Cubs because he always seemed to win in October
("One barometer used by many voters is whether a candidate for enshrinement was the dominant player of his era. It has tended to be a barometer measured in the vacuum of regular-season stats, totally ignoring why that regular season is played and, worse, totally ignoring the real payoff after that, right, Cubs fans?")


- Cubs closer job still open until Lou Piniella decides to open himself to second-guessing
("Piniella talked about the jigsaw puzzle that is a pitching staff, a guy for the seventh inning, the eighth, the ninth. Makes sense. What Piniella probably won’t factor in because he can’t quantify is a warm-weather pitcher from a franchise that draws so badly, it introduces the starting lineup and each fan by name. Gregg then would come into bitter Chicago cold early on and be asked to mollify a full house of what could quickly become bitter Cubs fans. See Mel Rojas and Antonio Alfonseca for details.")
This might have made more sense in the days when ball clubs were mainly comprised of local talent. You know, the 19th century.


- Dear diary: Today I tightened the belt one more notch while I touched myself to December 1987's Tiger Beat. Sometimes I slam my hand in the car door just to feel something. Oh, and what is Lou Piniella thinking?

There you are dear readers - a disturbing picture of a man who clearly hates himself as much as he loves the unblemished, alabaster skin of a young Corey Haim. Remember how I talked about White Sox fans fixating more on the Cubs and negative crap than they do on their own team? I think we've found patient zero. I had to go back to March 10 to find a headline about his beloved Sox. Lo and behold, the headline and copy was missing its usual lazy bitchiness. Behold Chicago's greatest reason to read blogs instead of the Trib. Read his writings in the handicapped stall at a truck stop near you.