25 Things We're Not Bitter About: 11-15

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

25 Things We're Not Bitter About: 11-15

. Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It came to our attention last week that certain elements of the blogoverse find us to be, shall we say, sarcastic and bitter. We have no idea why. Anyhow, the experience has inspired us to round up 25 of the things that give us the joy that only a bright Saturday afternoon game against the Cardinals can. These are in no particular order, and I suspect we'll likely end up leaving out some great elements of the Cubs universe. Feel free to correct us in the comments.So to the mysterious blog aggregator (or aggregatrix) who deemed us sarcastic and bitter - please consider the following declarations of joy and happiness. Oh, and fuck off.

11 - Urinal Troughs 

I can't even count the number of times I have had to tell people that is a sink, not a urinal

Any man that has ever stepped inside Wrigley has experienced pissing into a trough.  These bathrooms have been a lifesaver many times for 1,000s, from those that no longer have to worry about aim after their 80th ounce of Old Style (see: authors) to those that have stayed in for an extra few minutes as it is the only escape from the miserably cold April games.  For those of you that find it uncomfortable to stand in line 20 wide (no shrinkage excuses allowed June - September), keep in mind that there was once a time when there was no middle divider.  There you stood, staring at a person across from you with nothing in your way blocking the whole show.  Where do you even look?!  Stare down: awkward; make eye contact: holy shit, I'd rather stare down.  Imagine the horror as a child, standing at what is waist level for most of the other occupants!  Yet we have all been through it, and remember the benefits (see above) every time we catch a little something out of the corner of our eye.

12 - Obstructed Views

This view can cost you hundreds of dollars

It has happened to us all.  "Sweet, I just scored some awesome 200 level seats! Can't wait to watch the game!"  After going through the turnstile and fighting off other people for the promotional giveaway like the UN is handing out rations, collecting the required supplies (for me: nachos (extra jalapenos); Old Style), and head to our seats (inevitably already missing the first pitch).  As the people you are with continue to head up the ramp, knowing your habit to buy the cheapest 500 level seats you can find, you stop them.  "Not today," you say, "we have seats in the 200 level."  Clearly, they are impressed.  You stroll down to your row, and what do you discover?  A giant beam in the exact spot that make you miss any complete play in the infield.  Most people find this to be obnoxious, but I think of it as paying your dues.  I have been burned so many times, I now know what rows the poles are at in each section and can avoid them.  It is part of the Wrigley experience, and if you have never experienced an obstructed view, you haven't been to enough Cubs games. 

13 - Wrigleyville

Pictured: location of way too much debauchery in your beloved authors' 20s

Like any respectable graduate of a Big 10 University (BTFU!), I moved to Wrigleyville right out of school.  Why wouldn't I?  It is basically a college town except people are earning paychecks.  While I have subsequently moved out of the area (shout out to Lincoln Square!) there will always be a special place in my heart for certain establishments on Clark.  Mullen's in particular is our spot.  There is nothing exceptional about this bar, and in fact, I normally warn people that haven't been there before to not get their hopes up.  Perhaps it is because this is where we spent too many nights on the first summer we all lived in the city.  Back then, the back alley was exactly what it sounded like.  Crappy patio furniture and spotty service.  I can't even tell you how many times we were inadvertently locked outside there by ourselves, waiting for someone from the kitchen to take out the trash (unless of course, we were out of beer, in which case, desperate banging on the door would occur).  It has been the location of every one of my birthday's in the city, and the place we seem to venture when any significant Cub win occurs.  While things have changed, and their alley is now completely finished and features numerous TVs, it will always be our default place to meet after the game.  

14 - Friday Afternoon Truancy 

Ferris got the idea to use Abe Froman's name after visiting #11

Friday afternoons.  The feeling in the air during a Friday afternoon game is different from any other.  After all, you probably aren't supposed to be there. Truant! Truant! Truant! They'll all say!  Something about cutting out of work before 11, head to Bernie's for a couple (while I know I just professed my love of Mullen's, Bernie's is the pre-game spot, always...even after getting kicked out twice in one afternoon), and sit down for a beautiful Friday afternoon watching baseball.  I think we in Chicago take this for granted.  There has been some talk of the organization wanting the city to allow them to play night games on Friday to ease their turn around time from when they come back from roadtrips.  I would be OK with 3:00 starts, but please, I beg of you, don't take away my favorite days in summer. 

15 - Fan Foto

The "Proof" across my chest indicates that there truly is, in fact, no obligation to buy

The most thankless job in the world.  Taking pictures of people who are having fun while you desperately try to get rid of all your cards so you can catch a little of the game.  I always allow the Fan Foto people to get our pictures, and though I have never purchased one, I have found alternative ways for acquiring the digital version (if you don't mind quite intrusive lettering, of course).  I have a whole collection of these, and they all bring back fond memories.  I guess the reason I enjoy them so much is because, despite always bringing my camera, I never seem to remember to break it out.  So I salute you tireless workers, for giving me the memories I forget to give myself. 


Sarah Ellen said...

Not enough scandal. You'll never get any comments with this fluff.

Steve said...

i guess number #16 will have to be "abortions"