Today in Why the Fuck Did They Do That news:

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Today in Why the Fuck Did They Do That news:

. Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The long, mostly depressing chapter in our lives that was Ronny Cedeno's tenure with the Cubs has come to a close. Apathy abounds. Or, rather, it would if he hadn't also given up a highly-regarded pitching prospect to acquire a reliever we have abused in the past. I'm sure the Mariners are fairly happy with their end of the deal.

"Wait, HOW much did you miss that pitch by, Ronny?"

So now ex-Met Aaron Heilman is a Cub. I can't speak for Steve, but I'm sure he's thrilled that Notre Dame has an increased presence on our club. Although he was crap in a bag when asked to fill a starting role, he did have some decent seasons as a reliever after his conversion in 2005, posting ERAs of 3.17, 3.02, and 3.63 along the way. Of course, there was one bump in the road - a season with 10 home runs in 76 innings and a Howrish 5.21 ERA. That was last season. And with a sense of timing comparable only to people still rocking "Who Let the Dogs Out?" shirts, Jim Hendry has decided that now was the time to strike. Never mind that Garrett Olson could forseeably lighten the load on the rotation - let's bring in a 30 year old converted reliever fresh off his worst season.

The Internet tells me this is indeed a picture of Heilman, but I still think it's some dork at a fantasy camp

Now we've added yet another-righty to a bullpen that only boasts Marshall and Cotts throwing from the sinister side. Haven't we learned our lessons about balancing handedness? Perhaps not. Friggin Hendry has an itchier trigger finger than Charles Bronson these days.

Bonus Bright Side:

We now have a player with serious nickname potential. So tell us, readers, do you prefer Aaron Heil-man or Aaron Hymen? Do you have some even more creative concoction? When we're screaming at him from the bleachers, we'd like to put our best foot forward.


Bree said...

Howrish.... great adjective.

As for a nickname, I vote for Aaron "Sig" Heilman. It has the potential to be offensively hilarious. (Nazi humor is big in '09.)

Steve said...


Every time he has a bad outing we can label the post "Mein Kampf"

Sarah Ellen said...

Reppin' Notre Dame!

J.J. said...

UGH - Hold the Mayo!

Ace said...

Heil Heilman. Yup. Nicely done.