This just in - A Reprieve From the Auditory Abomination that is Joe Morgan's Play-By-Play!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This just in - A Reprieve From the Auditory Abomination that is Joe Morgan's Play-By-Play!

. Tuesday, January 20, 2009

If you'd like to know what this post is all about sans ranting, I'd skip ahead to the 5th paragraph
-Ed.

I love my Cubs, and as any Cubs fan would be, I'm always overjoyed when we're kicking ass like we did during the regular season last year. More wins means more exposure - including those ESPN Sunday Night Baseball slots that so many teams lust after. Who wouldn't love watching your team on ESPN?

ME, YOU SONS OF BITCHES, THAT'S WHO!!!

To put it in a calmer manner, I would rather dig out my gall bladder with a K-Mart garden trowel than hear Joe Morgan's moronic and willfully ignorant take on modern baseball - a subject that has passed him by like so many discerning hookers in the night. Furthermore, I would rather have my eyes pried open, "A Clockwork Orange"-style, and watch two obese circus clowns have sex than willingly join my beloved Cubs to the vomitous bile that is the ESPN baseball crew.

"John," you say. "Perhaps it's unpleasant, but is it worth getting this worked up? How much is a home town crew worth to you?"

I'll tell you right now - $39.95 plus shipping. That would be the price of the SportSync Radio. It's a simple - if not fairly cheap-looking - device that will delay the audio of the radio broadcast to match the television. Simply put, you can listen to Pat and Ron instead of Dumb (Miller) and Really Fucking Dumb (Morgan). Hell, Len and Bob are probably both going to want a few days off this year. Who wants to listen to the second-stringer? Instead, you can take the manic-depressive Santo broadcast we all love out of your car and into your home.

These son of a bitch radios have been out of stock every single day since I tried to buy one in July. Apparently, the company that makes them will put a shit-ton of money into advertising space on WGN, but has to wait for the Magical Pixie Elves to show up every twelve fortnights to get some back in stock. They literally just came back in stock today - I should know, I'm on the mailing list for a Web site that specializes in sending CB parts and police scanners to a clientele of lonely retirees. The last time they had these, they sold out in eight hours. So buy one - quick. It's not like we're getting anything out of recommending it - in fact, it just cost me $39.95 plus shipping.

We're just trying to save you people from Jon and Joe. You can thank us later.

5 comments:

KD said...

AMEN brotha!

J.J. said...

Great idea. I absolutely refuse to listen to ESPN, Fox Sports, or anyone other than Len, Bob, Pat or Ron. But I think I'll save the $39.99 (plus shipping) and continue to hear the play before actually seeing it. Keeps my heart rate lower when I know in advance Soriano is going to strike out.

Steve said...

i don't know JJ - it kind of freaks me out, like this time:

http://wastingawayinwrigleyville.blogspot.com/2008/06/i-need-constant.html

J.J. said...

Ha! There are a whole bunch of people that need a constant now on Lost. That's all I'll say in case you haven't seen it yet.

Steve said...

JJ - you are so lucky that I just watched it last night. feel free to initiate a full blown L O S T discussion. time traveling is blowing my MIND!