A Rich Hill Trade Rumor - No, seriously

Friday, January 30, 2009

A Rich Hill Trade Rumor - No, seriously

. Friday, January 30, 2009

The fresh scent of Gain was Rich's only friend on the mound that day

I know that we can't be everything to all Cubs fans here at WAIW - having day jobs and all - but I would say that there's one area in which we are in the forefront: charting the horrible, horrible decline of Rich Hill's career. I fully recognize that's Rich Hill is a human being whose life has been affected substantially by the disappearance of his technique, but we can't pretend he didn't go to shit faster than a 15 year old having her first Mike's Hard Lemonade. We once had him penciled in at #3 - and figured he might have a nice career at #2. Now, they're hoping that one day, maybe, possibly, by the grace of God, he ends up in the running for Comeback Player of the Year. Ouch.

The very foundation of the nation's ethos - in cute pocket book form!

Well, not them, exactly. Apparently, there are some teams putting out feelers for the 29 year old Venezuelan league disappointment. They must be hoping for a Cliff Lee thing. What they will most likely get is a Todd Van Poppel thing. The team in question, according to MLB Trade Rumors, the Orioles, Royals, Mariners, Padres, Pirates, and Marlins. Good for them, I guess. People still employ Joe Borowski.


The Baltimore Sun seems to think the O's are the closest candidate. They report that we're close to terms with them - giving up Rich in exchange for ... wait for it ... a player to be named later. I would laugh - except the early Brian Roberts negotiations intially hit a snag when the Cubs called hill untouchable. And now we're getting a player to be named later, depending upon whether or not Rich can walk fewer than 11 batters a game. That is funny but tragic - like when a fat coked-up comedian dies.

Rich Hill trade equivalency:

- Choice of any KC Royals bullpen catcher
- A groundskeeper to be named later
- Carl Pavano's non-throwing arm (which is to say, his pitching arm. ZING!)
- The corpse of 1945 Cubs pitcher Hank Borowy
- A case of Hostess Fruit Pies (TM). The real ones, not those shitty Safeway knockoffs
- .75 Brian Bosworths
- A DVD (not Blu-Ray) copy of "On Deadly Ground" and the chance to meet Steven Segal
- A really swell hat


wolfie said...

No comment.