Today in Crappy Pitching

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Today in Crappy Pitching

. Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Bob Howry: Proving there's nothing funny about confused old men

Please forgive me if this post seems to break the recent gap of activity with morbid glee, but BOB HOWRY IS NO LONGER A CUB. JOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm so happy that I just peed a little bit. After watching him limp through last season, I remember thinking to myself "Self. You and me, let's promise to dance on the grave of Bob Howry's Cubs career when that day comes. " I know that this was semi-expected, what with Bobby's penchant for getting smacked around like a red-headed stepkid with a smart mouth, but I'd never put it past this organization to do something as stupid as go to arbitration with him. Thankfully, they did not. He'll probably sign elsewhere, which means there's a slim chance that we might get to see our Cubbies at the plate against the guy WAIW lovingly called. "Motherfucker! Bitchshitfuckfaceasshole, whyyyy, WHYYY? Fuck, fuckity fuck, I fucking hate you, you home-run giving up fuckface" (try getting that on a custom jersey). The very possibility of seeing Soriano, Soto, or even Fuku step to the plate against Howry gives me feelings I was taught to be ashamed of in my Catholic middle school health class. Vaya con verg├╝enza, Bobby. You'll always be welcome at Wrigley - serving up those fat pitches to our hitters.


Venezuela: In here somewhere

In other awful pitcher news, we check back in on our friend Rich Hill. After a promising 2007 (and it was a pretty good one indeed), the lefty's career has become such a flaming wreckage so quickly that Holly Hunter and James Spader have probably gotten off to it a few dozen times. He's gone through the minors quicker than a case of the clap, and finally landed - with a mighty thud - in Venezuela's winter league. A little career strategy lesson for you - usually, players come from Venezuela, then tear it up in the big leagues. Rich Hill has apparently decided to do this in reverse, with terrifying results. At the end of October, he struck out one, walked two, and gave up five hits and six runs ... in the FIRST INNING. He's walked 19 in 19 1/3 innings - in the Venezuelan League. He's sporting a 7.45 ERA - in the Venezuelan League. The Trib says he's a hair away from being cut - from the Venezuelan League. Fuck me. I think we can finally give up on the Rich Hill project. You might still see him one day at Wrigley, but you'll most likely be asking him how many Old Style he has left and whether or not he can change a $50. Sorry, Rich. We rooted for you, we really did. But you make it hard to do anything but criticize.


Rich Hill: From failing at Wrigley to failing in god knows where

3 comments:

blogger said...

The Cubbies have declined to do arb on those guys because they are making room for their new left fielder.

Mr. Home Run King Himself!

The Barry Bonds Trial

J.J. said...

Oh man oh man. First I almost peed myself at your Bobby Howaryoustillhery nickname, then threw up in my mouth at the above blogger comment. Quite a way to start the day.

wolfie said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish.