Friday, November 14, 2008


. Friday, November 14, 2008

On the drive home from work last night, I learned along with all of you of the beginning of a new era in this fine city of ours. Some looked at the change as an opportunity for growth, while others took to the news with soul-rending despair. Others were just plain sick. But I speak in abstracts, and today is all about cold hard truth, so I'm just going to come out and say it: McRib is BACK!

Oh, and while I was driving past this sign, they were mumbling something or other about Kerry Wood. I'm not sure what. I'm a busy man - too few hours in the day, too many seasonal novelty sandwiches to eat.


Okay, now that I've made the nod to processed rib-shaped meat (my way of coping), I suppose we must deal with the issue at hand. Kerry Wood's time in Chicago has come to an end. The Cubs traded minor leaguer Jose Ceda to the Marlins for 30-year old reliever Kevin Gregg. This will allow Woody to collect a shit-ton more money than the Cubs were willing to pay from the Nationals, or Orioles, or Rangers, or some other poor bastard team. As hurt as some Cubs fans are right now, I've got to at least tip the hat to Jim Hendry for being able to pull the trigger on a tough business decision. Wood's All-Star turn in 08 made him a commodity, but the Cubs are trying to build more hitting and starting pitching. Paying Woody with a 2-3 year deal even close to the market rate really doesn't make sense when you consider his history of DL stints.


To put it awkwardly, Kerry Wood was to the Cubs what McRib is to this fat bastard blogger. Capable of amazing things during those ever-fleeting moments of brilliance, but nothing you could successfully build a franchise upon. Nothing you could count on for the long term. It's also very, very sad to see either go away.

I don't have to listen to you, you're not my real closer!

So, you may ask, what are we getting out of the deal? There's not much of an answer at the moment - even Hendry admits that they're still evaluating where they would like to use Carlos Marmol (filthy) next year. While his buzzsaw of an arm would seem to annoint him a closer, he's also valuable for shutting down the 7th or 8th inning - occasionally both. Keeping him there a bit longer and letting Gregg (29 Saves, 3.41 ERA in 08) close will keep the Cubs from putting too much pressure on Jeff Samardzija. While a treasured prospect and a pleasant surprise last season, Samardzija flagged down the stretch - some say it was fatigue from dodging all the Chicago Notre Dame fans who kept trying to suck him off every time he showed his face in public.

The innocent, childlike art of a 25 year old. Creepy.

Thanks for the memories Kerry - you're a true Chicago Cub, and we'll miss your puffy goatee and bitchin fastball. Forgive us if the next time we see a Hollister necklace, we have to discreetly wipe away a tear or two. Vaya con dios, K-Woo.


Steve said...

john - i must admit i like your kerry wood artwork. i can see you making that while putting on lipstick, listening to "love will tear us apart", and asphyxiating yourself.

emily said...

that would involve some serious multi-tasking...

wolfie said...


Milwaukee fucks up official city Christmas Tree.

Have away guys...

Sarah said...

the McRib creeps me out cause it kinda looks like it has the word Crib in it. With the bbq sauce and the word crib, it seems to me that people are eating babies. just saying.