Milwaukee Ruins Christmas

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Milwaukee Ruins Christmas

. Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Taxpayer dollars at work

In a move reflective of the city's long history of failure (Schlitz, Ned Yost, and the movie Mr. 3000 springing immediately to mind), Milwaukee has fucked up Christmas is a near-Seussian manner. While moving the tree into position to delight the three-toothed, inbred masses of that metropolis of stank, city workers managed instead to snap the thing in half like the dreams of so many of the city's Olive Garden assistant manager hopefuls. We're fairly certain that immediately afterward, some rosy-cheeked fat kid said "oh no! Christmas is canceled!" before returning to the cheese-injected bratwurst that will have him buying diabetes supplies from Wilford Brimley before he's old enough to vote.






Really, you don't think that was supposed to happen? Bold analysis - that's why you're kicking ass in the 34th-largest media market in the country!

Really, we can't blame the breakaway faction of the tree. Clearly, it was just trying to escape the smell of burned fondue and failure. In a way, I'd say we can draw a parallel to the Brewers. This tree, like the Brewers last year, is something that, while quaint on a national scale, was pretty respectable for Milwaukee, in that sort of "my slow kid drew a turkey by tracing his hand" way. Then it lost a major piece, and everyone was reminded how embarrassing Milwaukee really can be. Whether they offer the broken piece of tree $60 million over four years is up to them, but I'd say there's a precedent.

My favorite part of the entire story? This link to the local news channel's report. While reporting on a story about abject and noticeable failure, they managed to misspell the headline. Excellent job, WTMJ Milwaukee. Those communication degrees from UW-Platteville are really paying off.

Shout out to Wolfie for reminding us why 90 miles can make such a difference.

2 comments:

MABC said...

FYI - It's Wilford.

John said...

We're both wrong - it's Sexy