Poll Results: Braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiins!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Poll Results: Braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiins!!!

. Wednesday, September 10, 2008


That's not a graveyard, that's a visual representation of the Yankees' playoff chances. Hey-o!

The Chicago Cubs, for all their championship disappointments, are still widely acknowledged as a team that's easy to like (unless you're from Milwaukee, St. Louis, Cincy, Bad Chicago, etc.). And a big part of that is the vast amount of people, places, and things in Cubdom which lend themselves to a friendly beer - most of all the cast of characters we've come to know and love in our years following the team. They're people you'd like to have a beer with - to hear Harry Caray talk without internal monologue, to cringe at Mark Grace's horrific tales of slump-busting, and to see Ron Santo walk bravely out of a drinking session on two prosthetic legs. But really, who are you going to want to buy an Old Style and talk to about your favorite Cubs memories? Well, you've spoken.


"Pitching ... change ... brought you by ... delicious braaaaains"

After fending off a brief challenge from the always-popular Ron Santo, you have chosen the shuffling, reanimated corpse of beloved broadcaster Harry Caray. The man looms large even after passing - even compared to less zombified contestants. And being the zombie movie junkie that I am, all I can say is bravo, dear readers. You have chosen wisely.


Detroit Tigers fans wait patiently for their season tickets

On a side note, I believe this says something about the whole fast zombie (28 Days Later) versus traditional shuffling zombie (Dawn of the Dead) debate. Anyone who knows anything about Harry knows that he screamed "slow zombie" from the get go. Not during a broadcast of course - though I'm sure given another decade, he might have said anything. Zombies function better as a shuffling, slow-moving mass - sort of like Brewers fans. They're more sinister, but you always hold out hope for the heroes. The PCP-amped fast ones just don't give the same kind of experience. I thoroughly beleive that baseball is a sport for people who can appreciate the subtle intricacies of a slow zombie - the commentary on consumerism, the slow but unrelenting menace, the continual fight to survive. Douchebags who have X-Games apparrel and barbed wire tattoos are far more likely to prefer the sprinter variety of Living Dead. There are merits to both and a place for both in our world, but really, we know who the real king is. It's the slow zombie, and it's Harry Caray.

2 comments:

Sarah ellen said...

Finally picked up my mail and got my koozies - very sharp!
PS: John, remember Aunt Mildred?... "braaaainnns"

Steve said...

sweet. i am glad to confirm that the koozies can in fact be sent with a singular stamp.