(Not So Breaking) News: MRI Results In, Z to Miss 1 Start (maybe)

Friday, September 5, 2008

(Not So Breaking) News: MRI Results In, Z to Miss 1 Start (maybe)

. Friday, September 5, 2008


We wuv you, mistoo Zambwano


So yesterday, we devotees of the Lovable Losers got two helpings of whatever passes for good news in the middle of a 5-game losing streak that already has local radio hosts ready to hang themselves by their cheap neckties:

1: We didn't lose yesterday.

As a kid who had to attend church every Sunday, I got to hear this joke about once a year during the Bears' bye week. I feel it's my duty as a Catholic to pass it on. Again and again. So enjoy.

2: Big Z ran out of excuses not to take the MRI and subsequently was found to have tendinitis. They're thinking he may only miss one start. There's also painful inflammation, which is a condition that Z's cuff shares with Ann Coulter's poisonous ovaries.

As much as we'd all like to have him back, let's back off of committing suicide in front of a train, Tokyo style. He didn't have the greatest August, and still the team persevered. He's actually getting treatment for his arm (an anti-inflammatory shot), which is a nice change from the old Mark Prior/Kerry Wood "something's wrong in there, but what?" diagnoses of the past. Also, there's nothing we can fucking do about it, so shut up and cheer on your favorite team.


Naked hairbrushing with a rash is the leading cause of rotator cuff injuries

I'd also like to point out that this situation, no matter how it turns out, should tell you all you need to know about swallowing everything the media puts down the pipeline. Whether it was WGN, ESPN 1000, or The Score, every single sports pundit spent the past couple of days forecasting doom like a crazy streetcorner preacher. To hear them talk, Z had torn everything that bends in the shoulder and Rich Harden no longer had an arm with which to throw.


Either a shoulder MRI or a relief map of Chile

If we Cubs fans know anything, it's never to take the future for granted. That means the positives and the negatives. Z is hurt and Harden is on long rest. That dosen't guarantee us another embarassing playoff exit any more than Fuku hitting .330 in early June guaranteed us a Series ring. Wait and see how it plays out, and lay off the half-baked advice. WAIW's orders.

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