Cubs 7 - Brewers 6: Cubs Take Brewers Lunch Money, Call Them Stupid

Friday, September 19, 2008

Cubs 7 - Brewers 6: Cubs Take Brewers Lunch Money, Call Them Stupid

. Friday, September 19, 2008

Soto shows everyone that indeed, he is keeping good track of his batting helmet

The magic number is 2. The inevitable became inevitabler last night. How's that for sports writing?

Actually, I'd like to address the whole "inevitable" thing. Now that it appears that we're going to clinch the division, some people seem to act like they knew it all year. How quickly they forget the panic of our slump just weeks ago. They talk shit and forget how they were rehearsing the line "yeah, whatever, I knew the Brewers were going to catch up eventually - it was the strength of schedule" in their heads. There's no shame in experiencing the orgiastic highs and dismal lows of the baseball season. It's sort of why we watch baseball in the first place. So to those of you slamming SoCo Lime shots and acting like King Shit of Fuck Mountain, I pose this challenge: Don't be a cock. No one likes a bad winner - we don't like Milwaukee fans, do we?

Note to J.J. Hardy - calling yourself J.J. hasn't been cool since Steven Segal was a bankable movie star

Yesterday's amazing comeback was mostly due to Geovany Soto and his new, sexy waistline. Thanks to Emily for pointing out that this entire article reads like a Seattle Sutton ad. You know, those ones where Seattle Sutton and Ron Santo try to make me swerve off the road in hilarity with their bad acting. Anyway, GeoSo hit that 2-out tying home run that everyone who stays at a losing Cubs game dreams of seeing. It was his only hit of the game, but I'm pretty sure no one else is paying attention to that stat this morning. After he sent it into extras, Kerry Wood did his "hah! Just kidding, I'm not really blowing the game" act and D.Lee smacked in the winning run with Matt Sinatro on deck (Lou having used every other player on the roster - Jason Marquis as a pinch runner). 21 players figured into the lineup.

One late substitute was Felix Pie, who came on after Jimmy Ed was thrown out of the game for calling the stupid bastard umpire a stupid bastard, presumably. Which led to the rarely-seen Sweet Lou Shitstorm (TM). Check out these wonderful shots of our main man seeing the kind of action that he rarely does in these new mellower days:

"Are you implying, sir, that I did NOT catch a fish this big?"

Terrifyingly, that's also the face Lou makes en flagrante

That's some good stuff. And now for the softer side:

"Who's my special boy?"

Derrek Lee is informed that he has just earned ice cream for the entire team

The Brewers are now 1 1/2 games back in the Wild Card. If I recall correctly, people were taking for granted that Milwaukee would be in the playoffs as recently as a month or so ago. You know that old saying about why you should never assume: Because Saolomon Torres sucks ass and Eric Gagne is no good without the roids. Gotta love that old-timey wisdom.

After giving up the tying home run, it looks like this Salomon won't be spawning any time soon