Ailing Brewers Get Rid of Their Yost Infection

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Ailing Brewers Get Rid of Their Yost Infection

. Tuesday, September 16, 2008

In the last month, the Cubs have been through an incredible hot streak, a horrific slump, and two big series wins against divisional rivals that seem to have righted the ship. While that was going on, the Brewers were ... losing. That's about it. And now, as Cub Nation still holds its breath for a collapse that would make '69 look like '06 (Wikipedia that shit), we're 8 games ahead of the Fat Bastards with 14 to play. The magic number is 6. It's looking more and more like the Brewers can hope, at best, for a Wild Card spot. And this is after mortgaging their future on the rental of chili dog eating champion/ace pitcher CC Sabathia.

"Oh no, he's coming over here. This is so embarassing."

Someone had to take the fall for yet another embarrassing season to be a Milwaukee fan (hint: they all are), and yesterday the axe of wrath caught the neck of longtime manager Ned Yost. That's right, boys and girls, Yosty has seen his last sausage race. ESPN calls this "an unprecedented move." That would be accurate, except for managers get fired all the time, so its really just bad sports journalism. Had they kicked him in the taint and fired him out of a fucking cannon, we could talk "unprecedented." The real mystery is how he hung on to the job for so long given the average tenure of losing big-league managers. Sure, he's the second-winningest manager in Brewers history, but that's like being the sexiest person in the burn ward. His record since taking the reigns in 2003:

Yost will most likely go back to doing 1970s-era porn

2008 83-67 2nd (and canned)
2007 83-79 2nd
2006 75-87 4th
2005 81-81 3rd
2004 67-94 6th
2003 68-94 6th

I took this table from ESPN out of spite for their idiotic "unprecedented" comment. In the early 80s, it actually happened three years in a row, including the 1982 Brewers, who won the A.L. pennant (yes, A.L. - it was a strange time).

Brewers plan for World Domination: Replace idiot on right with idiot on left

The new manager of your Milwaukee Brewers (well, not yours, but presumably someone's) will be 3rd base coach Dale Sveum. When asked about taking the reigns of a team in the midst of a Wild Card battle, Sveum responded by waving his arm in windmill fashion and pointing toward home plate.

Good luck to you in the future, Ned Yost. Hopefully, you'll end up with a franchise we don't despise. Then we can get along.