WAIW Merchandise: Your Favorite Team, Your Favorite Blog, Your Favorite Koozie

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

WAIW Merchandise: Your Favorite Team, Your Favorite Blog, Your Favorite Koozie

. Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Imagine that you're at watching our Boys in Blue thump the shit out of a certain bird-mascoted team of steroid abusers and their ugly, ugly manager. You've sunk yourself deep into the couch, and these pretzels are making you thirsty. You reach for the refreshment that only a swig of Old Style can provide during a Cubs game. But what's this? It's taken on the temperature and consistency of old spit. Ack! And now Pujols has homered, and you feel you've been personally responsible for a boost in the Cardinals' morale. Are you happy, you sick bastard? You just made Ron Santo cry. Before you drag that razor blade across your wrists, look to the infomercial camera and ask yourself - "isn't there a better way?" Fuck yeah there is, and it's here today!

Now you (yes, you!) can own an official Wasting Away in Wrigleyville W koozie. It will keep your beer cold and your hand warm until the 4 ghostly riders come to bring apocalypse unto us all. Or until our Cubbies take home a World Series ring, whichever comes ... last. Having spent four years as a Chicago expatriat in the muggy trenches of the South, I have studied the koozies and koozie techniques of master drinkers. From the common "sloppy frat guy" to the quasi-mystic "bitter former high school football player with a beer in his hand and a distant look in his eye," I have drawn knowledge from all in that great Appalachian region. And now I am bringing that experience to bear on a fine quality product for you, our dear readers.

Shit, is anyone still reading this far down?

Approved by Billy Mays (note: not actually approved by Billy Mays)

These koozies are constructed with the finest lab-made neoprene material. That's wetsuit stuff to you and I - and if it was good enough for Jonathan Brandis on "Seaquest DSV," you know it's good enough for your beer. One side of this Cubbie blue masterpiece features the iconic W (in white, because, you know, blue ink doesn't show up on blue koozie), and the other features the name and web address of this very fine blog. The best part - and I do mean absolutely the best - is that each of our W koozies is collapsable, to fit easily in a pocket, purse, or My Little Pony lunch box. I myself habitually carry a koozie in my back pocket wherever I go, and am never stuck with the indignity of hand-warmed Old Style at a deck party.

Except not

We're letting each of these go for a mere $5 via PayPal, including free shipping. That's not much more than we paid to have each one of them printed. And hell, we'll even include one of our famous WAIW stickers for free as a gift with purchase, JCPenny style. We'll ship to all 50 states, Puerto Rico, Canada, Europe, Asia, Australia, and the cold, black depths of space. But not Northern Ireland.

So order one today, and receive not only the koozie and sticker, but our lasting gratitude. Don't make us regret choosing these over the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Men.


cubz4ever said...

I'm a devout Obama fan, but seriously, how can he root for the Sox? Isn't "arrogant" the definition of a Sox fan, and "hopeful" the definition of a Cubs fan? Oh, and I getting one (maybe even TWO) of those koozies. Love them and your blog!