Cubs 2 - Pirates 0: Who Are You and What Have You Done With Jason Marquis?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Cubs 2 - Pirates 0: Who Are You and What Have You Done With Jason Marquis?

. Thursday, August 28, 2008


In the animal kingdom, they call what Theriot is doing here "presenting"

If we weren't in the midst of a tight division race, yesterday's game would have been an epic snoozer. That's the great thing about those rare years in which our Boys in Blue are gunning for a title - it turns every game into a must-watch. At least for the die-hard (read: obsessed) fans. As it stands, even an afternoon tilt in Pittsburgh where Jason Marquis and Henry Blanco are the heroes looks as good as a Sutcliffe and Grace game to me.


That's a Monopoly "Second Prize in the Beauty Contest" face

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to notify you all that there's a serious possibility that Jason Marquis may win ten games. Seven strong innings yesterday by our best Jewish pitcher (not counting Carlos Zambrano) and a timely suicide squeeze by Henry Blanco and Mark DeRosa provided all the margin we needed to end the season series with the Pirates at a 14-4 clip. Wood and Marmol were good as gold, with four strikeouts between them in the final two innings. If we do indeed win the division, I'll be sending some fruit baskets to Pittsburgh.


A picture says a thousand words - about our offense yesterday

Some people might say that sports journalism is one of the greatest jobs in the world. What they're actually thinking about, of course, is a job where they would get to only watch their favorite team from a decidedly biased perspective and write about it for money. But think, for a second, about the poor bastard from ESPN, SI, or Reuters who had to sit in a ballpark more than 60 percent empty and watch a game where Zach Duke (4-13, 5,14) and Jason Marquis (9-7, 4.52) battled through a scoreless 6 1/2. Before you scream about how I don't appreciate pitching, I'd like to point out that yesterday was hardly a pitcher's duel. It was an above-average performance from Marquis, and an absoltely horrendous showing by the Cubs offense, who let Zach Duke look competent (12 losses prior to yesterday, mind you) in an 8-inning performance.


"Now hold on a minute, I think they gave Josh Beckett a Zach Duke jersey and put him out there"

Now personally, I'd watch an entire season of games like this if it meant I could make my living following the Cubs. But the people who get paid to do this are also paid to maintain a stance as neutral spectators. And the ones who get paid not to (Buzz Bissinger, the late Jay Mariotti) inevitably become ego-tripping douchelords. Yesterday was a game only true Cubs fans could love - and I for one, was ecstatic to see it. In dots. On the GameCast. When it chose to update. I'd watch the entire World Series with the dots if it meant the Cubs would finally take home a gaudy gold ring.


Look at those stands. That marketing campaign really worked: "2008 Pirates Baseball: Catch the Apathy!"

Given that St. Louis suddenly stopped choking against Milwaukee in a way Mama Cass could never do with that ham sandwich, we've now got a 6 game lead in the division. We are, however, coming into the bitchbastard period of our schedule. We'll be hosting the contending Phillies for four games, and have yet to see six against the Brewers, six against the cardinals, and six against the Mets. Boys and girls, pray for your favorite team - but also include the starving children and people with diseases in there as well. Otherwise you'll just be a dick.

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