Cubs 7 - Braves 2: Soriano Breaks, Goat Murder Ensues

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Cubs 7 - Braves 2: Soriano Breaks, Goat Murder Ensues

. Thursday, June 12, 2008

Cubs outfielder Alfonso Soriano is administered the "hey, buddy, you need some ice cream?" treatment. He responded with halting nod while a single tear rolled down his cheek.

Things went really well last night. Fuku hit another home run (his 5th), Ryan Dempster pitched a great complete game, and everyone seemed to be getting their shots in at the plate.
Fuku hit another exciting home run shot to right center, prompting Cubs fans to say "wow, everything is going so well! Nothing bad could possibly happen!"

Yup, everything was just dandy - except for one little, teensy, thing. Our $100 million outfielder went down ... AGAIN! I blame this on the announcers speculating yesterday about how great Soriano looked and how healthy he was getting. They may as well have pushed the poor bastard right in front of the Red Line. When will we learn that statement like those are just the set-up for the blackly humorous punchline of Cubs fandom? Woe, woe I say!

You just know some jackass is going to ask him to autograph this picture at the next convention

Fortunately, this is the kind of Cubs team that has the balance to get through the next six weeks (!!!) in solid state. But son of a bitch-bastard, can we not keep the man healthy for at least half a season at a time? This is only going to mean even more Jim Edmonds spreading his stank throughout the centerfield area of our beloved Friendly Confines.

Solid complete game outing. Sadly, no one's going to remember. Dwelling on that fact would make him kind of a dick.

I had a big hate thing for Ryan Dempster when he was our closer. But I think he summed it up best in his post-game interview:

"That's a real bummer."

Let this be a lesson to us that partaking in so much gleeful schadenfreude over Albert Pujols going down was just like baiting the vengeful bear of karma. Let the mindless curse-talk commence!