Sosa: Terrifying in Death ... Wait, He's Not Dead?

This latest photo find proves conclusively that nothing good has ever come out of the Latin Grammys. That's our former hero and current puzzling human being Sammy Sosa, menacing that poor woman for her delicious brains (hey, we already have a "Delicious Brains" tag. Kick ass!). He says it's some sort of cosmetic deal, critics suspect the after-effects of whatever muscle-building elephant testosterone he was injecting into his ass. We here at WAIW aren't sure what's up, but here's a list for Zombie Sammy to enjoy.

10 Options For Sosa Post-Zombification

1. Seek out the brains of the living

2. Invite Macauly Culkin over for a sleepover

3. Zombify Joe Morgan, thus making Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN tolerable

4. Eat the brains of Tim Tebow, await resurrection on the third day

5. Finally apologize to Cubs fans for acting like a bitch in his late Chicago career ... in zombie voice

6. Wear a bitchin' monacle

7. Ugh ... reality show?

8. Enjoy unlimited soup, salad and brrraaaiiiins at the Olive Garden

9. Wait for jean shorts to make a comeback

10. Zombie steroids

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It's Never Too Early To Start With the Sox Hate

I found this today: Stuff White Trash People Like

Enjoy yourselves.

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WAIW Welcomes New Insect Overlords

It's hard to keep up the blogging during this time of year, as you may have noticed. No Cubs baseball, not yet the offseason. We've been Waiting For Next Year for an uncomfortably long time, yet haven't been able to dwell in the land of wild speculation that is the off-season acquisition market. Aw, raspberries. But at least we'll never have to hear about how the new ownership deal is almost done. Just so damn close to being done. We've been hearing that shit since before last season began, and I was fairly convinced that that bridge toll who fucked up the Trib would half-assedly own our beloved team forever. But Tom Ricketts has won this parade of blandish white men, and so we offer our congratulations.

The vibe seems pretty positive around Cubdom for the arrival of our new Ant Overlord, but as a cynical son of a bitch, I can't help but wonder if Washingtonians thought Dan Snyder would do a crackerjack job for the Redskins. But there I go, acting all Cubs fan-y again. Welcome, Tom. Don't make us a laughingstock. Or, rather, try to end that current condition with as much expediency as possible. We wuv you.

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StubHub: Disinterring the Corpse of Our Season

My boss forwarded me an e-mail yesterday that he'd recieved earlier that afternoon. All he said by way of introduction was "Best e-mail ever."



Not that I needed an excuse to once again associate the term "StubHub" with the term "mother fucking fuckers."

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Cubs Media Monday: SUPER FUN HAPPY TIME

Today, in my search for a CMM post, I decided to see what was the most viewed Cubs YouTube video of all time. The results were ... odd. For some reason, this is the first thing that pops up.

So ... any ideas? To my mind, it makes about as much sense as signing Ryan Dempster to a $40 million deal.

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WAIW Salute: Captain Lou Albano

WAIW would be crazily remiss if we didn't tip our caps to the recently departed Captain Lou Albano. He rode that wild wave of Hulkamania before it crested, and eventually hit the low-water mark with "Hollywood Hogan" and reality shows. Now, you might think I'm going to go for a Hulkamania video here, and you might think I'm going to invoke Cindy Lauper. But you're wrong, motherfuckers, because this man reached his greatest heights as Mario. That's right - the Super Mario Brothers Super Show.

I used to rush home from school to catch it Monday through Thursday (Friday was Legend of Zelda). Further, on those rare Saturdays where I drag my ass out of bed early enough to make a proper batch of breakfast tacos, I still like to pop in a Super Mario Brothers Super Show DVD (impulse purchase at Target) and rock out like I'm still some taco-eating child. The next time I do it, I'll pour one out for Captain Lou. And I'd advise you all do the same.

How can one properly pay tribute to such a man who provided such entertainment? Well, I've got one idea:

1. Swing your arms from side to side
2. Take one step and then again
3. Let's do the Mario, all together now
4. Booze

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The Cardinals: Not Too Fun, Is It?

If this isn't metaphor, I'm not sure what is.

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All You Need Is ... Schadenfreude

It's not as if Cardinals fans didn't pile on last year. Sure, they could still pull the series out, but for the moment - GFY, Redbirds!

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Now That Cubs Season Over: America To Blow Up Moon

Now that the Cubs season is over, we need to find things to post about. This has nothing to do with the Cubs so much, but I enjoy dropping clips of nonsense we enjoy (i.e. several vintage Simpsons episodes). So when I got back from lunch, I went through my usual rotation of sites (1. WAIW - check for comments, always sad; 2. Facebook - everyone apparently is happy tomorrow is Friday; 3. ESPN - Same old nonsense, Boston this, Tebow breathes that; and 4. CNN). When I got to 4, I noticed a story entitled "NASA set to crash on the moon - twice." Evidently, we are sending two spacecraft to the moon tomorrow morning to crash into it. This of course, led me to one of my favorite clips from Mr. Show, in which America wants to blow up the moon. So, now that we are in the struggle for update zone, I hope you enjoy the above clip.

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Cubs Media Monday: Happy Thoughts Edition

For the first time in three years, the Cubs failed to win the division and make the playoffs (though, similarly, also spared us of a first round sweep). At the end of every season in my life, there is always that thought of what could've been. I have to believe that it will happen for us, or else I don't think I could have been a fan for this long. As our regular readers know, we are big Steve Goodman fans and, while certainly everyone knows "Go, Cubs, Go!" at this point, we like to point out other Cubs gems that he has produced (not to mention, you know, all those non-Cubs songs), such as "A Dying Cubs Fan's Last Request." Well, this has a more upbeat feel, and I think expresses how we all will feel when we finally reach what we have been waiting far too long for.

To new beginnings!

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